The story of a Girl Pt.1

This is the story of a girl , who didn't cry a river , nor did she drown the world . No , she knew that all the tears on Earth wouldn't solve her problems , so she saved her tears for necessary moments . This story is one of a girl who didn't know how strong she was or could be , she just knew she was .. different .
As a young child she lived with her mom and their roommates . The roommates had a son a year older than her , the two were a dynamic duo , the very best of friends . They played together , made messes together , even potty trained together . These roommates ; however , were different than her and her mother , and the girl knew this . She noticed that in their family their was a dad , and in hers , there was not . She never really noticed until she was about 4 years old . One day she asked her mom , 'Mommy , how come we don't have a dad?' At that moment her mom knew , that it had hit her . She saw the signs that her daughter was become aware of the fact her dad was gone , but how do you explain to your 4 year old baby girl that you have no clue where her dad is ?
One day , some time after their roommates had moved away , there was a knock on the door . The little girls mom told her to get it and she couldn't believe her eyes . A tall , thin man , with blue eyes and long hair was standing there . She called for her mom who then came and picked her up . After inviting the man inside the little girl looked at him and said , "You're my daddy aren't you ?" , and when he smiled at her , she leaped into his arms and said , "I missed you daddy."
From that day on , her dad would come over every Sunday afternoon and sit in the living room and talk with her . This went on for months until one day he suggested they go to the drive ins and see a movie . She was so excited to go somewhere with her dad finally ! Until .. He called her at her mom's work and told her he couldn't make it , to which she replied , "I never want to see you again !"
This decision seems a bit rash to you doesn't it ? He cancels one event and all of a sudden he's a bad dad ? Well , it was a bit more complex . See , this little girl called her daddy just about everyday . Sometimes she would get him , other times not  so she would do what any other person does , and leave a message .. But he would never call her back .
To be continued ...
-Elle ♫

Arts & Crafts

What are arts and crafts to you ?
Do you consider them two different topics ?
To me they can be connected yet very separate .
So , I am in high school , and I am about to take an Arts and Crafts class with my best friend .
My teacher says that we will be doing paintings , working with charcoal , and making collages . Now that all sounds very crafty , but art is a little different to me . Not that art can't be any of those things , but that it means more .
To me art is an expression of personality , an outlet so to speak . Art is a way of saying out loud what your words have failed to communicate . Not to mention , art is not just about coloring and glitter . Art is music , dance , painting , drawling , opera , poetry , art is in everything . I'm not sure who it is that made the activity of crafting , "Arts and Crafts" , but they obviously don't see it from the perspective that I do , and I know I am not the only one .

I had a friend in middle school who talked a lot , but could never really say what she meant , but she was and amazing sketch artist . Her pictures are some of the most amazing things you could imagine coming from such a young girl .

I had a few friends that wrote poetry when they couldn't articulate how they felt . It's not just an outlet for depression or anger . It can be a way of saying how happy you are , or how much you love someone . Art just makes things easier . Even if you aren't the best at drawing or painting , you may be good at writing or sewing . That's right , sewing is art too ! Anything you conjure up with your hands is ART !
The most important thing about art , is never , EVER , being ashamed of yours . If you draw something , write something , sew something , mold something , OWN IT .
That is your masterpiece , your work of art , and you should take pride in it . Not everything will come out the way you picture it in your head , and you may not always posses the same artistic abilities , but you should always own your art , because your art , is YOU . ♥


-Elle ♫

Let's talk ..

Lets talk about something everyone seems to have a formed opinion about . Homosexuality . Yep , i said it .
I wanna talk about being gay . Now I know many people try to avoid this topic cause so many people get heated over it , well im one of those heated people . Because I believe that love is love no matter who you love .
Speaking from someone playing for both teams , i know what its like to want to be with someone and not be allowed to .
My first girlfriend . She was tall , and beautiful , bright eyes and soft hair . She was perfect and all I wanted was her . When i found out she wanted me too , i had butterflies for weeks . But those butterflies fluttered away after a while . We couldn't tell her family , cause they would never accept it , i wouldn't tell mine cause i feared the same thing , even though my oldest brother is gay i still had a fear . Then there was school . We couldn't kiss or hold each other , cause for every one person who would've supported us there would've been 5 shooting us down . I lived in constant fear til it led me to end our relationship . A special place in my heart will always be for her .
I had never in my life been attracted to women , but i fell in love with that one . You can't control your feelings , so bagging on someone dating within their same gender is like telling a Black person not to date a Mexican , or an Asian not to date a Russian . Are these things common ? Not really , does it make you double take a little ?
Sure , but who are YOU to tell someone else who to love ?
Love is in the heart and in the soul .
I have family members who stayed in the closet so long , the dust fell around them , and when they came out , they left a trail of dust and pain as they exited their closet .
So , before you judge someone for who they date , ask your self , how YOU would feel , if it was you .
-Elle ¥

The love of family

Where do most people stand on step families ?

The majority of people I know feel they would be better off without a step family .

I had seen horrible step families , I had seen movies like Cinderella and just figured if they’re not blood family , they won’t love you the same . I had this idea etched into my brain for years . 

In 2004 , my father told me he was getting married and he wanted me to meet his fiancé and her kids . The day I met them I was practically in love . ♥♥♥ We played for hours , talked , and ran around the apartment . Rachel , my soon to be step mom , had four kids when I met her . A teenager , a pre-teen , an elementary grade kid , and a toddler . When I met them , I had no idea how much they would mean to me later on in life .

In 2005 , my dad rented a 4 bed room house for them to all live in . He then wanted weekend visitation , so in the beginning I spent every other weekend there , then after some time , it was every weekend .

 It didn't take long for my siblings and I to start fighting like cats and dogs , especially me and the second oldest girl , Lielani . However , the oldest , Ashley , and I weren't exactly seeing eye to eye either . See , my parents would leave Ashley in charge a lot , which considering she was only 14 , it was hard to accept that 4 children should be under her control . My siblings got out of control while my sister was babysitting , and they would give her the worst time about everything , me included , until one day I realized just how much stress she must be under having to hold down the fort .

One day we got into a big tiff after which we made a pact to never blow up on each other again , to always respectfully pull each other aside and talk out or differences , and since that day we have only had two or three fights .

My older brother , Tyler , was at the only boy at the time , which had to be hard having 3 half-sisters and a now a step sister . We still don't always see eye to eye , but when we were younger we used to play Game Cube for hours .

My baby sister , Mystie , was always like Ashley's mini me , which in a way makes her a lot like me , cause Ashley and I are a lot alike . Mystie was a very clingy child , she loved to hang on my legs and get piggy back rides , the whole nine .

On February 4th of 2006 , my baby brother Kelric was born . He was 10lbs and 10onces , and definitely a C-section .

On June 21st of 2006 , my father and his bride to be got married in a beautiful outdoor setting . Mystie and I were supposed to be flower girls  , but our flower petals were left at home ..

Four years later , due to dramatic legal reasons , my dad and Rachel were force into separation and eventually divorce , and I honestly thought that would be then end of my relationship with this family . Oh boy , was I wrong ! 

In November of 2009 , I moved in with my former step mom , my three oldest siblings , and my baby brother , along with my older sisters fiancé . My mom and I were having troubles finding a living situation , so Rachel was kind enough to let me stay there .

During my stay , my older sister and her fiancé had their first baby girl , my first born niece ♥

After I moved out , my second oldest sister popped up pregnant , on June 18th of 2011 , my second beautiful niece was born .

And just this Monday , Ashley gave birth to her second baby girl . ♥

My step family is my life , even though they technically aren't family anymore , they are family in my heart . I have gained so much from my 8 1/2 years with this family .

My siblings and I are still super close and my nieces are my whole world <3

I guess the moral to this story is , never judge you outcome , by another person’s situation . Remember to approach everything with an open minded , and even if something happens to the marriage , don't let it ruin your new relationships .
-Elle ♫

Lights , Lens , Photography

Have you ever take an picture so amazing ? With the perfect lighting ? And just wondered how you captured such beauty . I have , and it is just the most amazing feeling . When you see beauty and just  capture it perfectly . Everyone has their favorite thing to photograph , mine is nature .
Flowers are my most favorite thing to take pictures of , but I also take pictures of trees and lakes , cause to me it's all beautiful .

Photography is all about lighting . The way the light reflects on the object you're capturing , and hits the lens of your camera is the key to a perfect picture . An interesting fact that I've learned over my picture taking time , no matter what you are photographing , sun light is always the best light . The picture looks more natural and the lighting is almost always perfect .

Shadows are pretty cool in photography as well , when the light deflects the image on to another surface , is just beautiful . If you couldn't already tell , picture taking is a passion of mine ! I cannot go one week without taking pictures . I find beauty in every aspect of nature and I do anything to capture that beauty on camera . A lot of people think you may need an expensive camera , and extra lights , a flash , a gyroscope , etc . Honestly , all the amazing pictures I have taken , I took with my cell phones .

If you want to get into photography find something that you like to take pictures of , something that you capture well , and take tons of pictures of it . As with any other thing , practice makes perfect ( :

-Elle ♫

Music ♪♫♪

Music , music , music !!
This is a topic I could talk .... type about all day . Music means different things to every different person . For me , music is my entire life ! I can't go a day with out singing . I've been singing since I was about 9 years old , and it's my dream in life to get my song Heaven , that I wrote for my grandfather , produced and in the music market . ♥
Music can change your mood without you even noticing it . It's all about expression , that's why a lot of people get emotional when a certain song is sung . Music can be a great way to build yourself as , or a better way to break yourself down .
See , as much people love to sing the next cool song on the radio , but very seldom do people listen to the words , or inflection in the artists' voices . I , personally , use music to tell story . For every person there is or will be a song that exactly mirrors how they feel or think . I honestly think it's important for every person to find that mirroring song , cause it will help you feel like there is someone else who connects with you , who can interpret how you feel even if you cannot .
For aspiring singers , no I'm not a professional .. But I don have some very important tips for you ..
1. Learn how to take deep breaths , in short amounts of time
2. Hold in your diaphragm , it's makes you voice more projectile without you sounding like your shouting ..
and
3. No matter how amazing your voice is , you will sound that much better if you relate to what you are singing .
If you sing a song that has no meaning to you , it will be harder to be master .
I've been told I have a good voice , which honestly unless you are tone deaf , most people can sing fairly well ; However , I get more compliments on songs that I sing that have some sort of effect on me , that resinate with me on a deeper level .

And that , for me , is what music is about . Connection , understanding , and communicated through an alternate source .
-Elle ♫

Fathers Day Tribute To MY Papa

As we all know Sunday, June , was Father's Day. Also known as the hardest calendar day for me.
 Growing up for the first 5 1/2 years of my life, I had no paternal family. My parents split up while my mom was pregnant with me, and my father and his family in no way, stayed in contact with my mom or I.
My mom raised me as a single mother with the help of her parents and younger brother. My grandfather, Filder Lloyd Johnson, was the father I never had. He treated me like his best friend and his own daughter at the same time. My mom always says that the relationship I had with her father, exactly mirrors the relationship she had with her father.
He would play legos with me, he would watch tv with me. Every morning, after we moved in to my grandparents house, Fil and I would watch The Price is Right and Family Feud, and at night we'd watch Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune. This was our ritual. Even I was only about 9 when we moved in, I as convinced I knew how to cook and bake and other miscellaneous things. So I would go in the kitchen and concoct some random semi edible thing and ask my grandpa to try it, and he did ! Every time!
 My grandfather was honestly my favorite person. I remember sometimes it would be late on a night when he didn't have to work, and we'd both start to fallin' asleep watching television, and he'd poke up his head and go 'Lenelle, no sleepin'.", then fall back asleep. I even have a picture of him wearing my PINK River Cats baseball cap, cheesing like no bodies business.

Just like there's picture of my mommy as a little girl being used as a fish ruler. My grandfather loved to fish, and whenever he'd come home, he would compare the size of the fish to the size of his baby girl. It's incredibly adorable!!
My life with my grandfather was amazing, even after my father came back thinking he was just going to swoop in and be "Super Dad". My grandpa was always the REAL man in my life.... Until March 11th of 2006.
My grandpa, my friend, my companion, the war veteran, the devoted father, was in a fatal car accident after having a brain aneurism. I blamed myself for years for his. You see, every night while I was getting ready for bed, he was getting ready for work. I would give him a hug and a kiss in the kitchen and say, "Hurry back grampa! We can't miss The Price is Right.", but this time .. This time I didn't. Subconsciously I knew, he wasn't coming back, so I didn't say it. The day I found out he had passes I locked myself in the bathroom and cried for hours. And to this day there's a song that I can't sing without crying, So far away by Avenged Sevenfold.
I wrote him a song this year titled Heaven, which I revised in to a poem for a Facebook note. It's definately been hard not having him around but, I know we'll see each other again.
Happy Father's Day , Grandpa <3

http://www.facebook.com/notes/lenelle-johnson/heaven-i-miss-you-3/397157696963003
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7ry4cx6HfY
-Elle ♫